I should be! I shouldn't be!

The problem is not in what we feel.

The problems are in the 'Shouldn’ts'. The problems are in the ‘shoulds’

I shouldn't feel ________.

sad/angry/lonely/scared/worried/confused/lost/alone/ungrateful/unhappy/anxious

I shouldn't be taking this long to ________.

process what happened to me/make this decision/heal/feel better/complete this workout/get over the break up/get over that person/get over that experience/earn ___ amount of money/find a partner/tell that person how I feel.

I shouldn't be _____________.

not exercising for this long/ wanting to eat this crap/sleeping/resting/napping now.

I should be ________.

Productive/studying/working/earning/creating

Getting off my ass/Exercising

Eating healthy

Happy/Grateful

Owning a house(s)/Marrying/Having kids

Doing more for my friend(s), family, community, the world

And yet, despite our shoulds and shouldn'ts, we do still feel those things.

We do still experience whatever it is that is going on for us.

I do feel sad/angry/lost. It does take me time to process experiences/loss/decisions. Perhaps I did not exercise because I was feeling tired or I was busy or that I just did not feel up to the hustle.

I want to eat this now, never mind that it is ‘bad’ food.

Does accepting exactly where you are at, feel lighter?

Could we(you & me both) release the shouldn’t and shoulds just for a bit?

Can you breathe easier with what is vs what should be?

Could we try this instead:

Alright, it sucks that I feel sad. I am going to feel sad and let it pass through without judging my sadness.

Alright, it sucks that I am taking this long to process this. I am going to keep trying to judge less how long it is taking me. Perhaps it may take longer, perhaps when I judge my process/feeling/experience a little less, doing/feeling this thing may feel a little less heavy?

I love this from Dr Ameet Agarwal on changing the language we use with ourselves:

‘I need to’ and ‘I should’ is very stressful language for ourselves. It removes us from our heart. ‘I should’ comes from our parents, from society, from governments or magazines, from TV, culture, whatever it may be, and it puts pressure on that poor little child inside of us. “I should be perfect”. “I should perform well”. “I should do this. I should do that.” Can we become aware of the ‘shoulds’ and perhaps alter the language we use on ourselves to ‘I can. I will or I won’t'?

What are your lists of shoulds and shouldn'ts?

How is resistance to what you are feeling + experiencing causing you more pain?

Would releasing judgement perhaps make the journey

a little lighter?

a little less heavy?

Love,

div xx